Maybe you can come back up again
When Joseph and I first traveled to Tanzania, we visited the Kirangare Dispensary, which is the medical clinic. This is where broken bones are set, mothers give birth, prescriptions are filled, vaccines are administered, and all manner of other healing work is done.
When we visited, the dispensary had eight rooms. Only one (the delivery room) had electricity. None had running water. The dispensary was short-staffed, with only four of eight doctors. And the hospital–when a patient’s needs are beyond the dispensary’s resources–is 45 minutes down the steep mountain road and another 90+ minutes across the valley.
As we left the dispensary and started our walk to Mpare preaching point, Pastor Fue said, “You look down.” And I admitted that I was. In my mind and heart, I was comparing the care my children received back home with care Kirangare’s children received. I was feeling that weight.
Pastor Fue nodded. Then he said something I’ll never forget, something I’ve been remembering and retelling often since his visit to Iowa a couple weeks ago.
“Until Jesus returns, there will be problems. So maybe you can come back up again.”
I was stunned. But I had to agree. Maybe I could come back up again. And when the people of Mpare greeted us on the road with singing and flowers, I did come back up. The problems could not outweigh the joy. God is good, all the time.
It really is okay to feel afraid, overwhelmed, and angry. It’s okay to feel whatever you’re really feeling–about life, about the world as it is, about anything. It’s okay to express what you’re feeling. It is not healthy to bury our feelings.
And I know I have a tendency to get stuck in despair. Visiting despair and then moving on–”coming back up” as Pastor Fue would say it–is one thing. Getting stuck there is another.
Despair can be like a friend who is no real friend at all. Like a drug dealer, despair numbs us to pain and puts us to sleep to God and to real reasons for hope and joy. Like an abusive partner, despair isolates us and is only happy when we’re unhappy. Like a cynic or naysayer, despair mocks the call to do something, change something, create something positive, live up to our values and ideals, or simply have faith that God can do what we cannot.
Maybe you noticed: Pastor Fue has a buoyant spirit. Problems cannot paralyze him. He always finds the good. He always finds reasons to rejoice. The joy of the Lord is his strength.
What a timely and relevant witness! Here is a benefit of Zion’s companionship with Kirangare Lutheran Parish. It is why being together–investing the time, money, and courage in traveling the great distance–is key to the companionship. We have to see it to believe it. Without them, we might not know it was possible.
We can come back up again. Thanks be to God.
Pastor Clark Olson-Smith